Two and a Half Men

The Harper brothers Charlie and Alan are almost opposites but form a great team. After years they had little in common except their dislike for their...

Starring: Angus T Jones, Ashton Kutcher, Charlie Sheen, Conchata Ferrell, Holland Taylor, Jon Cryer, Marin Hinkle
Genre: Comedy
Countries: USA
Release Date: September 22, 2003
Year: 2003
Runtime: 30 mins
IMDb Rating:

4.24/5 - (2423 Votes)

Two and a Half Men Seasons/Episodes

► Season 1 - Click for episodes

Episode 0 - Original Pilot - 1969-12-31

Episode 1 - Pilot - 2003-09-22

Episode 2 - Big Flappy Bastards - 2003-09-29

Episode 3 - Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell - 2003-10-06

Episode 4 - If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap - 2003-10-13

Episode 5 - The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump - 2003-10-20

Episode 6 - Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? - 2003-10-27

Episode 7 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake - 2003-11-03

Episode 8 - Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful - 2003-11-10

Episode 9 - Phase One, Complete - 2003-11-17

Episode 10 - Merry Thanksgiving - 2003-11-24

Episode 11 - Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor - 2003-12-15

Episode 12 - Camel Filters and Pheromones - 2004-01-05

Episode 13 - Sarah Like Puny Alan - 2004-01-12

Episode 14 - I Can't Afford Hyenas - 2004-02-02

Episode 15 - Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick - 2004-02-09

Episode 16 - That Was Saliva, Alan - 2004-02-16

Episode 17 - Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats - 2004-02-23

Episode 18 - An Old Flame with a New Wick - 2004-03-01

Episode 19 - I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You - 2004-03-22

Episode 20 - Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark - 2004-04-19

Episode 21 - No Sniffing, No Wowing - 2004-05-03

Episode 22 - My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet - 2004-05-10

Episode 23 - Just Like Buffalo - 2004-05-17

Episode 24 - Can You Feel My Finger? - 2004-05-24

► Season 2 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 - Back Off Mary Poppins - 2004-09-20

Episode 2 - Enjoy Those Garlic Balls - 2004-09-27

Episode 3 - A Bag Full of Jawea - 2004-10-04

Episode 4 - Go Get Mommy's Bra - 2004-10-11

Episode 5 - Bad News from the Clinic - 2004-10-18

Episode 6 - The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance - 2004-10-25

Episode 7 - A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana - 2004-11-08

Episode 8 - Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers - 2004-11-15

Episode 9 - Yes, Monsignor - 2004-11-22

Episode 10 - The Salmon Under My Sweater - 2004-11-29

Episode 11 - Last Chance to See Those Tattoos - 2004-12-13

Episode 12 - A Lung Full of Alan - 2005-01-03

Episode 13 - Zejdz z Zmoich Wlos - 2005-01-17

Episode 14 - Those Big Pink Things with Coconut - 2005-01-31

Episode 15 - Smell the Umbrella Stand - 2005-02-07

Episode 16 - Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth? - 2005-02-14

Episode 17 - Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam! - 2005-02-21

Episode 18 - It Was Mame, Mom - 2005-03-07

Episode 19 - A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise - 2005-03-21

Episode 20 - I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey - 2005-04-18

Episode 21 - A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On - 2005-05-02

Episode 22 - That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother - 2005-05-09

Episode 23 - Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab - 2005-05-16

Episode 24 - Does This Smell Funny to You - 2005-05-23

► Season 3 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 - Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts - 2005-09-19

Episode 2 - Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover - 2005-09-26

Episode 3 - Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark - 2005-10-03

Episode 4 - Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs - 2005-10-10

Episode 5 - We Called It Mr. Pinky - 2005-10-17

Episode 6 - Hi, Mr. Horned One - 2005-10-24

Episode 7 - Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop - 2005-11-07

Episode 8 - That Voodoo That I Do Do - 2005-11-14

Episode 9 - Madame and Her Special Friend - 2005-11-21

Episode 10 - Something Salted and Twisted - 2005-11-28

Episode 11 - Santa's Village of the Damned - 2005-12-19

Episode 12 - That Special Tug - 2006-01-09

Episode 13 - Humiliation Is a Visual Medium - 2006-01-23

Episode 14 - Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded - 2006-02-06

Episode 15 - My Tongue Is Meat - 2006-02-27

Episode 16 - Ergo, the Booty Call - 2006-03-06

Episode 17 - The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer - 2006-03-13

Episode 18 - The Spit-Covered Cobbler - 2006-03-20

Episode 19 - Golly Moses, She's A Muffin - 2006-04-10

Episode 20 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro - 2006-04-24

Episode 21 - And the Plot Moistens - 2006-05-01

Episode 22 - Just Once with Aunt Sophie - 2006-05-08

Episode 23 - Arguments for the Quickie - 2006-05-15

Episode 24 - That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite - 2006-05-22

► Season 4 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 - Working for Caligula - 2006-09-18

Episode 2 - Who's Vod Kanockers - 2006-09-25

Episode 3 - The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress - 2006-10-02

Episode 4 - A Pot Smoking Monkey - 2006-10-09

Episode 5 - A Live Woman of Proven Fertility - 2006-10-16

Episode 6 - Apologies for the Frivolity - 2006-10-23

Episode 7 - Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head - 2006-11-06

Episode 8 - Release the Dogs - 2006-11-13

Episode 9 - Corey's Been Dead for an Hour - 2006-11-20

Episode 10 - Kissing Abraham Lincoln - 2006-11-27

Episode 11 - Walnuts and Demerol - 2006-12-11

Episode 12 - Castrating Sheep in Montana - 2007-01-08

Episode 13 - Don't Worry, Speed Racer - 2007-01-22

Episode 14 - That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami - 2007-02-05

Episode 15 - My Damn Stalker - 2007-02-12

Episode 16 - Young People Have Phlegm Too - 2007-02-19

Episode 17 - I Merely Slept with a Commie - 2007-02-26

Episode 18 - It Never Rains in Hooterville - 2007-03-19

Episode 19 - Smooth as a Ken Doll - 2007-04-09

Episode 20 - Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot - 2007-04-16

Episode 21 - Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous - 2007-04-23

Episode 22 - Mr. McGlue's Feedbag - 2007-04-30

Episode 23 - Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin - 2007-05-07

Episode 24 - Prostitutes and Gelato - 2007-05-14

► Season 5 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 - Large Birds, Spiders and Mom - 2007-09-24

Episode 2 - Media Room Slash Dungeon - 2007-10-01

Episode 3 - Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo - 2007-10-08

Episode 4 - City of Great Racks - 2007-10-15

Episode 5 - Putting Swim Fins on a Cat - 2007-10-22

Episode 6 - Help Daddy Find His Toenail - 2007-10-29

Episode 7 - Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room - 2007-11-05

Episode 8 - Is There a Mrs. Waffles? - 2007-11-12

Episode 9 - Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids - 2007-11-19

Episode 10 - Kinda Like Necrophilia - 2007-11-26

Episode 11 - Meander to Your Dander - 2008-03-17

Episode 12 - A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh - 2008-03-24

Episode 13 - The Soil is Moist - 2008-03-31

Episode 14 - Winky-Dink Time - 2008-04-14

Episode 15 - Rough Night in Hump Junction - 2008-04-21

Episode 16 - Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty - 2008-04-28

Episode 17 - Fish in a Drawer - 2008-05-05

Episode 18 - If My Hole Could Talk - 2008-05-12

Episode 19 - Waiting for the Right Snapper - 2008-05-19

► Season 6 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 - Taterhead Is Our Love Child - 2008-09-22

Episode 2 - Pie Hole, Herb - 2008-09-29

Episode 3 - Damn You, Eggs Benedict - 2008-10-06

Episode 4 - The Flavin' and the Mavin' - 2008-10-13

Episode 5 - A Jock Strap in Hell - 2008-10-20

Episode 6 - It's Always Nazi Week - 2008-11-03

Episode 7 - Best H.O. Money Can Buy - 2008-11-10

Episode 8 - Pinocchio's Mouth - 2008-11-17

Episode 9 - The Mooch at the Boo - 2008-11-24

Episode 10 - He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited - 2008-12-08

Episode 11 - The Devil's Lube - 2008-12-15

Episode 12 - Thank God for Scoliosis - 2009-01-12

Episode 13 - I Think You Offended Don - 2009-01-19

Episode 14 - David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie - 2009-02-02

Episode 15 - I'd Like to Start with the Cat - 2009-02-09

Episode 16 - She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime - 2009-03-02

Episode 17 - The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? - 2009-03-09

Episode 18 - My Son's Enormous Head - 2009-03-16

Episode 19 - The Two Finger Rule - 2009-03-30

Episode 20 - Hello, I am Alan Cousteau - 2009-04-13

Episode 21 - Above Exalted Cyclops - 2009-04-27

Episode 22 - Sir Lancelot's Litter Box - 2009-05-04

Episode 23 - Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth - 2009-05-11

Episode 24 - Baseball with Better Steroids - 2009-05-18

► Season 7 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 - 818-jklpuzo - 2009-09-21

Episode 2 - Whipped Unto the Third Generation - 2009-09-28

Episode 3 - Mmm, Fish. Yum. - 2009-10-05

Episode 4 - Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator - 2009-10-12

Episode 5 - For the Sake of the Child - 2009-10-19

Episode 6 - Give Me Your Thumb - 2009-11-02

Episode 7 - Untainted by Filth - 2009-11-09

Episode 8 - Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle. - 2009-11-16

Episode 9 - Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair - 2009-11-23

Episode 10 - That's Why They Call It 'Ball Room' - 1970-01-01

Episode 11 - Warning, It's Dirty - 1970-01-01

Episode 12 - Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste - 1970-01-01

Episode 13 - Yay, No Polyps - 1970-01-01

Episode 14 - Crude and Uncalled For - 1970-01-01

Episode 15 - Aye, Aye, Captain Douche - 1970-01-01

Episode 16 - Tinkle Like a Princess - 2010-03-01

Episode 17 - I Found Your Moustache - 2010-03-08

Episode 18 - Ixnay on the Oggie Day - 1970-01-01

Episode 19 - Keith Moon is Vomiting in his Grave - 1970-01-01

Episode 20 - I Called Him Magoo - 1970-01-01

Episode 21 - Gumby with a Pokey - 2010-05-17

Episode 22 - This Is Not Gonna End Well - 2010-05-24

► Season 8 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 - Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud - 2010-09-20

Episode 2 - A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer - 2010-09-27

Episode 3 - A Pudding-Filled Cactus - 2010-10-04

Episode 4 - Hookers, Hookers, Hookers - 2010-10-11

Episode 5 - The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel - 2010-10-18

Episode 6 - Twanging Your Magic Clanger - 2010-10-25

Episode 7 - The Crazy Bitch Gazette - 2010-11-01

Episode 8 - Springtime On A Stick - 2010-11-08

Episode 9 - A Good Time in Central Africa - 2010-11-15

Episode 10 - Ow, Ow, Don't Stop - 2010-11-22

Episode 11 - Dead from the Waist Down - 2010-12-06

Episode 12 - Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead - 2010-12-13

Episode 13 - Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup - 2011-01-03

Episode 14 - Lookin' for Japanese Subs - 2011-01-17

Episode 15 - Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak - 2011-02-07

Episode 16 - That Darn Priest - 2011-02-14

► Season 9 - Click for episodes

Episode 0 - Promo

Episode 1 - Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt - 2011-09-19

Episode 2 - People Who Love Peepholes - 2011-09-26

Episode 3 - Big Girls Don't Throw Food - 2011-10-03

Episode 4 - Nine Magic Fingers - 2011-10-10

Episode 5 - A Giant Cat Holding a Churro - 2011-10-17

Episode 6 - The Squat and the Hover - 2011-10-24

Episode 7 - Those Fancy Japanese Toilets - 2011-10-31

Episode 8 - Thank You for the Intercourse - 2011-11-07

Episode 9 - Frodo's Headshots - 2011-11-14

Episode 10 - A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes - 2011-11-21

Episode 11 - What a Lovely Landing Strip - 2011-12-05

Episode 12 - One False Move, Zimbabwe! - 2011-12-12

Episode 13 - Slowly and in a Circular Fashion - 2012-01-02

Episode 14 - A Possum on Chemo - 2012-01-16

Episode 15 - The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack - 2012-02-06

Episode 16 - Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy - 2012-02-13

Episode 17 - Not in My Mouth! - 2012-02-20

Episode 18 - The War Against Gingivitis - 2012-02-27

Episode 19 - Palmdale, Ech - 2012-03-19

Episode 20 - Grandma's Pie - 2012-04-09

Episode 21 - Mr. Hose Says 'Yes' - 2012-04-16

Episode 22 - Why We Gave Up Women - 2012-04-30

Episode 23 - The Straw in My Donut Hole - 2012-05-07

Episode 24 - Oh Look! Al-Qaeda! - 2012-05-14

► Season 10 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 - I Changed My Mind About the Milk - 2012-09-27

Episode 2 - A Big Bag of Dog - 2012-10-04

Episode 3 - Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt - 2012-10-11

Episode 4 - You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For - 2012-10-18

Episode 5 - That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam - 2012-10-25

Episode 6 - Ferrets, Attack! - 2012-11-01

Episode 7 - Avoid the Chinese Mustard - 2012-11-08

Episode 8 - Something My Gynecologist Said - 2012-11-15

Episode 9 - I Scream When I Pee - 2012-11-29

Episode 10 - One Nut Johnson - 2012-12-06

Episode 11 - Give Santa a Tail-Hole - 2012-12-13

Episode 12 - Welcome to Alancrest - 2013-01-03

Episode 13 - Grab a Feather and Get in Line - 2013-01-10

Episode 14 - Run, Steven Staven! Run! - 2013-01-31

Episode 15 - Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It - 2013-02-07

Episode 16 - Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby - 2013-02-14

Episode 17 - Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries - 2013-02-21

Episode 18 - The 9:04 from Pemberton - 2013-03-07

Episode 19 - Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon - 2013-03-14

Episode 20 - Bazinga! That's From A TV Show - 2013-04-04

Episode 21 - Another Night with Neil Diamond - 2013-04-25

Episode 22 - My Bodacious Vidalia - 2013-05-02

Episode 23 - Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped - 2013-05-09

► Season 11 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 - Nangnangnangnang - 2013-09-26

Episode 2 - I Think I Banged Lucille Ball - 2013-10-03

Episode 3 - This Unblessed Biscuit - 2013-10-10

Episode 4 - Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank - 2013-10-17

Episode 5 - Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003 - 2013-10-24

Episode 6 - Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants - 2013-11-07

Episode 7 - Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie - 2013-11-14

Episode 8 - Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room. - 2013-11-21

Episode 9 - Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer - 2013-12-05

Episode 10 - On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer! - 2013-12-12

Episode 11 - Tazed in the Lady Nuts - 2014-01-02

Episode 12 - Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball. - 2014-01-09

Episode 13 - Bite Me, Supreme Court - 2014-01-30

Episode 14 - Three Fingers of Cr - 2014-02-06

Episode 15 - Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin - 2014-02-27

Episode 16 - How to Get Rid of Alan Harper - 2014-03-06

Episode 17 - Welcome Home, Jake - 2014-03-13

Episode 18 - West Side Story - 2014-04-03

Episode 19 - Lan mao shi zai wuding shang - 2014-04-11

Episode 20 - Lotta Delis in Little Armenia - 2014-04-24

Episode 21 - Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot - 2014-05-01

Episode 22 - Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead - 2014-05-09

► Season 12 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 - The Ol' Mexican Spinach - 2014-10-30

Episode 2 - A Chic Bar in Ibiza - 2014-11-06

Episode 3 - Glamping in a Yurt - 2014-11-13

Episode 4 - Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight - 2014-11-20

Episode 5 - Oontz Oontz Oontz - 2014-11-27

Episode 6 - Alan Shot a Little Girl - 2014-12-04

Episode 7 - Sex With an Animated Ed Asner - 2014-12-11

Episode 8 - Clockwise in Back Hole until Tight - 2014-12-18

Episode 9 - Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey - 2015-01-08

Episode 10 - Here I Come, Pants! - 2015-01-15

Episode 11 - For Whom the Booty Calls - 2015-01-22

Episode 12 - A Beer-Battered Rip-Off - 2015-01-29

Episode 13 - Boompa Loved His Hookers - 2015-02-05

Episode 14 - Don't Give a Monkey a Gun - 2015-02-12

Episode 15 - Of Course He's Dead - Part One - 2015-02-19

Episode 16 - Of Course He's Dead - Part Two - 2015-02-19

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